First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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