We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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