party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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