Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
