Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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