The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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