Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
