its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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