We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
