I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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