I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
