yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
