cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize