Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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