My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
