I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
