I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
