i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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