I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
