New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
