i may or may not be watching the land before time
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
