She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
