Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
