Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
