if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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