Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
