I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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