im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They took my balls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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