so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
