what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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