My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
