why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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