He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
