Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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