I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
