so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
