Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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