also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
