A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
