My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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