I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize