I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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