I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
