What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
