farters have to be the big spoon...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
