I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
