I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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