Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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