he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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