I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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