I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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