i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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