In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
