Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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