it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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