btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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