I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
