Someone shit on the floor
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
